Silk
scarf: To Follow the Way of Buddha, or My Love
In
the hospital, the hissing sound of the respirator, the swooshing sound of the
sputum aspirator, and the beeping sound of the pulse transducer are mixed with
the groans, gasping sounds and sudden moans of the patients. Right in here,
losing the ability to speak, I felt a strange feeling of comfort listening to
these unique sounds that only belonged to the hospital.
In
the ward, when the nurse put the respirator on a patient with four straps on
the face just like the Golden Hoop on Monkey King, he gasped: "Please let
me die."
He
grasped his wife's hand like a drowning man. When his wife adjusted the
respirator, he reminded her again and again whether the straps were tight
enough. His eyes conveyed hollowness and fear when his wife intended to go out for
shopping. He seemed afraid that an accident would happen when his wife was not
beside him. This kind of “not willing to let go” is just heart breaking.
Every
time I hear about the extreme reliance that patients attached their families, I
think of my own experience. I was once afraid of separation and felt constantly
unsafe day and night. This sort of relationship was tight as clockwork, and
waiting to explode any minute. Is this kind of reliance true love or breath
taking love?
“I was once worried the pursuit of love would
make me forsake my practice of dharma;
However,
to follow the creed and live solitarily in the mountains means I would never
see my lover again;
Is
it possible that I can do both,
To
follow the way of Buddha or my love.”
Reading
the poetry by Tsangyang Gyatso, I gradually realized the meanings of letting go
and living for the moment.
Every
patient has to learn to face the situation of saying goodbye… How to let go of
reliance? How can we prepare for the separation and furthermore go to the next
new stage? How to persuade our couples not to defend the current situation or
not to be get rid of past happenings? It’s hard to say farewells, yet it’s even
harder for the one who accept the farewells. Unwind the tightened clockwork!
Let’s set off for the coming journey and let our hearts free from each other.
I
want to live happily everyday. Keeping this faith, I completed this painting
and wrote such poetry:
After
Being Sad for These Years
We’ve
been caring too much and carrying so much sadness for these years
However,
we didn’t touch the thing which had been deep in our heart
We
avoid thinking about it
We
just wait for the coming new days
I
looked in her eyes
Which
are dimming
Being
gradually vague and fading
The
sadness from her eyes keeps revealing her secrets
I
want to tell her desperately
Death
comes through the grassland, leaves the faint scent all behind
After
being sad for all these years
We
should learn the way of not being sad
I
want to tell her desperately
If
you are a drop of tear in my eye
I
will try hard not to cry anymore just to keep you inside
If
the golden sun stops to shine
A
smile from you can light up my whole world
正面
插畫：不負如來不負卿
曾慮多情損梵行，入山又恐別傾城，
世間安得雙全法，不負如來不負卿。
To Follow the Way of Buddha, or My Love
I was once worried the pursuit of love would make me forsake my practice of dharma;
However, to follow the creed and live solitarily in the mountains means I would never see my love again;
Is it possible that I can do both,
To follow the way of Buddha and my love?
背面
作者的簡介：
袁鵬偉，1963年2月生。ALS發病迄今約8年。生病前負責國際貿易，走過35個國家。生病後秉持【活在當下】好好過活每一天。由於無法言語，除已成功開發LED溝通板外，並有個夢，就是把【有故事的店】落實---成立漸凍人暨家屬作品的銷售平台。讓病友在創作中舒發心情道，讓更多病友及漸凍家庭找到尊嚴及助人的喜悅。
Introduction：
Yuan Peng Wei, born in Feb 1963, has been diagnosed with ALS nearly eight years ago. Peng Wei had been a successful businessman and travelled across 35 countries all around the world. Illness has taught Peng Wei to live in the moment and enjoy everyday. Peng Wei’s disease made him unable to talk. He did, however, made the LED communication board to help those who suffer from communication problems. He also has a dream to open an online store for ALS patients to show their creativity and sell their works to the publics. His dream is to help ALS families regain the joy and dignity of life.
