Silk scarf

Silk scarf: To Follow the Way of Buddha, or My Love

In the hospital, the hissing sound of the respirator, the swooshing sound of the sputum aspirator, and the beeping sound of the pulse transducer are mixed with the groans, gasping sounds and sudden moans of the patients. Right in here, losing the ability to speak, I felt a strange feeling of comfort listening to these unique sounds that only belonged to the hospital.

In the ward, when the nurse put the respirator on a patient with four straps on the face just like the Golden Hoop on Monkey King, he gasped: "Please let me die."

He grasped his wife's hand like a drowning man. When his wife adjusted the respirator, he reminded her again and again whether the straps were tight enough. His eyes conveyed hollowness and fear when his wife intended to go out for shopping. He seemed afraid that an accident would happen when his wife was not beside him. This kind of “not willing to let go” is just heart breaking.

Every time I hear about the extreme reliance that patients attached their families, I think of my own experience. I was once afraid of separation and felt constantly unsafe day and night. This sort of relationship was tight as clockwork, and waiting to explode any minute. Is this kind of reliance true love or breath taking love?

 “I was once worried the pursuit of love would make me forsake my practice of dharma;

However, to follow the creed and live solitarily in the mountains means I would never see my lover again;

Is it possible that I can do both,

To follow the way of Buddha or my love.”

Reading the poetry by Tsangyang Gyatso, I gradually realized the meanings of letting go and living for the moment.

Every patient has to learn to face the situation of saying goodbye… How to let go of reliance? How can we prepare for the separation and furthermore go to the next new stage? How to persuade our couples not to defend the current situation or not to be get rid of past happenings? It’s hard to say farewells, yet it’s even harder for the one who accept the farewells. Unwind the tightened clockwork! Let’s set off for the coming journey and let our hearts free from each other.

I want to live happily everyday. Keeping this faith, I completed this painting and wrote such poetry:

After Being Sad for These Years

We’ve been caring too much and carrying so much sadness for these years

However, we didn’t touch the thing which had been deep in our heart

We avoid thinking about it

We just wait for the coming new days

I looked in her eyes

Which are dimming

Being gradually vague and fading

The sadness from her eyes keeps revealing her secrets

I want to tell her desperately

Death comes through the grassland, leaves the faint scent all behind

After being sad for all these years

We should learn the way of not being sad

I want to tell her desperately

If you are a drop of tear in my eye

I will try hard not to cry anymore just to keep you inside

If the golden sun stops to shine

A smile from you can light up my whole world

正面

 

插畫：不負如來不負卿

 

曾慮多情損梵行，入山又恐別傾城，

世間安得雙全法，不負如來不負卿。

To Follow the Way of Buddha, or My Love

I was once worried the pursuit of love would make me forsake my practice of dharma;

However, to follow the creed and live solitarily in the mountains means I would never see my love again;

Is it possible that I can do both,

To follow the way of Buddha and my love?

 

背面

 

作者的簡介：

 

袁鵬偉，1963年2月生。ALS發病迄今約8年。生病前負責國際貿易，走過35個國家。生病後秉持【活在當下】好好過活每一天。由於無法言語，除已成功開發LED溝通板外，並有個夢，就是把【有故事的店】落實---成立漸凍人暨家屬作品的銷售平台。讓病友在創作中舒發心情道，讓更多病友及漸凍家庭找到尊嚴及助人的喜悅。

Introduction：

Yuan Peng Wei, born in Feb 1963, has been diagnosed with ALS nearly eight years ago. Peng Wei had been a successful businessman and travelled across 35 countries all around the world. Illness has taught Peng Wei to live in the moment and enjoy everyday. Peng Wei’s disease made him unable to talk. He did, however, made the LED communication board to help those who suffer from communication problems. He also has a dream to open an online store for ALS patients to show their creativity and sell their works to the publics. His dream is to help ALS families regain the joy and dignity of life.

Calligraphy

《心香自在》心經─篆刻部分

《心香自在》心經─書法部分

"The incense of a free heart"

Hsu Zhi Yang, born in 1954, is a patient with both Motor Neuron Disease and Kennedy Disease. With the endless torture, it inspires his literature. And art work creation.

The Naming of the Work:

"The incense of a free heart"

"To light up heart's incense and to feel the freedom." To obtain concentration and to stabilize one's heart to reach the clarity of mind.

"Heart Sutra" is a classic of Tao, and it opens your mind to intelligence. Expecting to maintain the heart's incense and make it forever.

The birth of "The incense of a free heart"--- Digital drawn version of "Heart Sutra"

"Mr. Hsu, your calligraphy work is impressive. Can I have a copy of the 'Heart Sutra' written by you?"

"Mr. Hsu, you can write calligraphy. You should bond with others by making more calligraphy works of 'Heart Sutra'."

"Mr. Hsu, how much should I pay for a copy of 'Heart Sutra' by you?"

For the past few years, I've visited several jails (including Jin Men, Green Island and Peng Hu), schools, religious places, clubs, hospitals, companies and many other places where I share my life experience. Besides life education related topics, most people ask me about calligraphy and "Heart Sutra".

I, Hsu Zhi Yang, am a patient with both Motor Neuron Disease and Kennedy Disease. Since Kennedy Disease broke into my life, I cannot control my fingers from trembling and my muscles from aching. I cannot breathe and swallow easily. I always have palpitations, I fall unconsciously, I have severe sleeping disorders, I have a large amount of phlegm, I have gastroesophageal reflux disorder, and my blood pressure sometimes rise up to 220 mmHg.

Although my sickness follows me everyday and I struggle with death every second, I won't raise a white flag to the disease. Because of the aching and trembling from my wrist, elbows and arms, and the atrophy in my neck neurons, I can't sit in the same position too long. It is hard for me to complete any of my works. Luckily, I know the meaning of "seizing the day and treasuring what I have", so I grasp the moments when I can still speak and move to do meaningful things.

"The incense of a free heart"---Digital drawn version of "Heart Sutra" is a new work introduced by Story House after "To Follow the Way of Buddha, or My Love" by Peng Wei and the pair cups by Yue Gu. We started to seek for an alternative plan because the need for hand written copies of the "Heart Sutra" was too massive. After searching different ways, I decided to combine computer drawing with calligraphy and seal carving. Therefore this art piece is even more worth treasuring and appreciation.

For this piece of art, I used computer drawing software to imitate calligraphy and seal cutting, which both belong to the traditional four arts of China. The seal carving is closely associated with Chinese writing. After all, most seals have Chinese characters on them. People say that calligraphy and seal carving come from each other. The only difference is that calligraphy is written in ink while seal carving is carved by knives. A Great altitude of art is shown in these small spaces.

It took me 3 months to complete this piece of work. I turned the 260 words in "Heart Sutra" into ____ and the carvings are not presented in complex Oracle Bones, Bird-and-insect Script, Bronze Inscriptions, and Song Inscriptions and so on, but in forms of Seal Scripts that are easier to read and identify. The Chinese characters carved on a seal can be either in relief (called Yang or male) or into the stone (called Yin or female or intaglio). Yin and Yang seals show diversity in red ink and white paper. Calligraphy is presented in Liu Style which is tender but also filled with strength. It was magical that although my body was not in a good condition while creating, my mind was quite peaceful and serene. The process was slow but successful.

I appreciate that Peng Wei applied for the “Dream Comes True” held by Taiwan Stock Exchange, and thank him for establishing Story House auctioning site, providing a platform for ALS patients to learn and develop. I am grateful to all members of Story House, Taiwan Motor Neuron Disease Association, Teacher Shen Shin Hui and her husband, Master Zhao Hui and Master Jue Tai. "The incense of a free and unrestrained heart" was born because of their valuable suggestions. "To light up heart's incense and to feel unrestrained." I hope to maintain the heart's incense and make it last forever.

The heart sutra is a classic in Buddhism and Tao. Calligraphy combines artistic conception, creative concept, rhythm and tempo........using different sizes and types of writing brushes to express Chinese characters in the forms of the art. Seal carving contains aesthetics, philology, and epigraphy and so on. It is evident that a small stamp contains much knowledge; I am not an expert so I am not trying to inflate here. Through this piece of work, I just want to tell all the people who support and care about me that even though I am in great physical pain, I try my best to enriching life to the fullest. Despite the fact that I am not able to move freely anymore, I am still keen on learning and developing myself. I really hope that all charitable people can continue supporting Story House with actual actions, and provide ALS patients with all kinds of resources and care. Thank you very much!

Mug / Pair cup

The cup of dancing (mug / pair cup)

The story of this mug (Don’t ever forget to dance happily)

  I began to lose my confidence after sick for a long period of time, and I became incredibly sensitive. I can only communicate with others through email but not actual verbal language. Passively, I only wait for others to reply my emails. If they don't, I end up not knowing what to do. I was deeply frustrated once by an acquaintance whom I trust, I thought she knew and understood me very well, but she didn't try spending time to communicate with me. Her behave destroyed my confidence. Feeling hurt and sad, I threw myself into the gutter of darkness and couldn't find my way out. Convicts who are sentenced to death still have the chance of surviving before the final trial. However god gave me a life sentence of ALS disease without a chance of further appeal.

I am alive because I can't even kill myself, I can't do anything on my own, I lose productivity and can only stay as a consumer for the rest of my life. I live worrying everyday that my family would become broke financially because of my state. I can not find the meaning of life, or its goal. I didn't know what to do. I was sunk in endless sadness and I blamed myself for being pathetic and miserable. I desperately desired for a person to have a cup of coffee with me and listen to my inner misery and helplessness, to give me comfort and tender care. But all people have to interact, as I lost my ability to speak, I also lost the care from my friends. My fingers lost its power to click as my emotions became worse, I cannot even express my emotions on the computer. I could only experience solitude and taste bitterness alone.

One day I received a video clip shared by my friend titled "The extreme challenges of the body". The video is about a Russian dance contest, and the dancers had to demonstrate rotations of high difficulty throughout the performance, they twirled around rapidly like tops, and came to a sudden halt beautifully at the end. I realized at that moment that everyone is the director in their own life. We have to accept unlimited challenges on the stage of life. Shouldn't we all perform our best, and say goodbye in a beautiful posture even when reaching life's final destination?

I remind myself not to forget to dance happily in the dark and await for the coming light. I want to seize the moment and lead my life positively, redeem my lost happiness and confidence. I try so hard to enrich my inner self. It took me two years to recover from life's frustration. In the end, I became grateful to the one who hurt me. It was she who made me stronger.

The work of the ALS patients

Calligraphy

Mug / Pair cup

Silk scarf